Reframing a Dysfunctional Life

Reframing a Dysfunctional Life

Patterns and Creativity of a Dysfunctional LifeIt can be risky letting yourself by vulnerable.  It can hurt at times, but it can also be superb.

As I embark on a new project to write a book, I ask for your patience, acceptance, and open-mind.  As I look back over my life, I see some awesome experiences, some not so great times, and I see a childhood rooted in dysfunction.  This dysfunction made me who I am today, for good and bad.

In “Patterns and Creativity of a Dysfunctional Life”, I hope to share my life along with some educational and restorative exercises to help anyone who is willing to try them.  Having grown up with the false sense of what a perfect life was supposed to be, I struggle a bit to create the life I want and dismiss this concept of perfection.

While we are all different with varying needs, various interests, and equally varying skills and personalities, defining success isn’t so hard as it is time consuming.  The life you create does not have to be based on the learned behaviors of a dysfunctional environment.  In fact, the life you create must be based on your true soul, your true passions, and not from any other source.

Join me on Patreon (cancelled) as I begin this journey.  It seems a bit scary, but the product of being vulnerable will have an impact on our society.  A positive impact, I hope.

Popping In, Popping Out of Life

Lately, I have been absolutely amazed at the number of people I met earlier in life and lost contact with, but who have recently made contact again.  It seems that the notion of people popping in and out of your life is very really, sometimes permanently.  As I listen to a friend talk about losing a friend of his and seeing friends from my past popping in and out, I used this as inspiration for the text below: 

In life, there will be people popping in to your life that will make an impression upon you. Then they pop out of life and you wonder about what happened to them.  Then, one day, you are walking down the street and you find them again, hoping to keep them popped in for a little longer than when they popped in before.

But then, they pop out permanently by death.  Knowing that they will never pop back into your life, makes you sad.  But did they ever really pop out of your life in the beginning.  In fact, a little piece of them is with you, in your heart, in your thoughts and you will always have them with you.  Popping out permanently is like popping in permanently, but in a different form.  You see they never really popped out to begin with.

Then, one day, perhaps when we least expect it, you will pop out of life too.  Permanently.  Death is not a bad thing.  It helps us remember the missing popper and forces us to recognize, in a somewhat painful, cruel way, how much they have touched our lives. 

Since those around us will always carry part of who we are with them, this isn’t such a bad thing afterall…  friends, family, colleagues and strangers will remember you for how you touched them.  In fact, one you’ve popped out, you might pop into other peoples’ lives that you never thought possibly. 

So then they continue popping in and popping out of other peoples’ lives, sharing you and sharing themselves as they go.  

Until, three or four generations later when you are forgotten.  Replaced with other people and other memories in their hearts.  You may be remembered by a box of junk and old photos, but that does not matter.  At this point, those people who popped in and out of your life have permanently popped out too.  Together again you all will be, the memories continue, more fun is had, and life as you knew it with your fellow poppers continues on in a land that is so fantastic, those stuck on earth could only begin to fathom.  

As you go through life, be true to yourself, embrace others for who they are and enjoy the moments, memories, laughs and simple conversations.  Share experiences with those around you and have fun every minute of the day.  Smile, laugh, embrace, and party.

 Popping in and popping out just makes life a little more fun.  


What Do You Know When You Don’t?

Knowing something is half the battle.  Communicating that something is the other half, but that is the subject of another post.

Knowing how your customers use your product and how they want to interact with you is a great thing.  Two major steps toward becoming customer oriented.

But then you realize that what you know, might not be what you know.  You see signs that your data may be incomplete or inaccurately measured.  What do you know now?

1) You need to stop and reevaluate what you know.
2) Depending on the issue, you might be realizing that what you know, might be valid to some degree.
3) On the other-hand, you might be realizing that an entire rebuild of the data warehouse is in order.
4) You start making a mind map of the situation to visualize the scope of the problem.
5) You start counting the knowns, the unknowns, the could-be’s and the what-if’s.
6) You then start to think that maybe if you ignore it, it might, with a one in a trillion chance, actually fix itself.

Then you realize you just reconstructed the famous Donald Rumsfeld speech:
There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don’t know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don’t know we don’t know.” – Donald Rumsfeld (more Rumsfeld quotes)

In the end you may know much more than when you started.  But the process of determining what you don’t know and what you do know is a great one!  It is called validation. 

Everyone should have a process of validation.

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Today’s Writing Project

One thing that I really enjoy doing is writing.  It can be fiction or non-fiction, but it is usually on a topic that has been stuck in my head for a few days. Today's writing topic is the value of rough ocean swim training in a swimmer's training program.   While I originally developed the concept around proving to my trainer who insists rough ocean swimming should be avoided is wrong.  The article actually developed into a sequence of milestones focused around three abilities in swimming, technique, strength, and psychology.

I will post a link here at Posterous when I have it done.